Sunday, August 10, 2008

Broken Promises

So many broken promises. My heart is filled with doubt and my guilt ways me down. What seemed to be finally getting together has gradually disintegrated itself. I sit in the middle of this mess. The mess I created. I shrug my shoulders and say “that’s life” but deep inside I know it could be better. It doesn’t have to be this way. What do I do without You. My heart tells me to move on but my mind knows full well that it’s impossible without you. I’m tired and weak so I sit here and wait. Waiting for something better to happen, waiting for somebody to come and carry me away. This is my life – an endless moment of weakness. Strength only appears to be superficial. Is it just me or are they all part of this masquerade. Gravity holds me back. All I want to do is break away, be free indeed. The pieces are all over the floor – shattered in million pieces, all out of reach. I’m too weak to get up and yet I know that I must. It is the only way out of this cycle of self-destruction. I want to believe. To believe that it could be better. To believe that You are there. Break me into your will – the crucible that makes sense of all these fragments. I can’t make sense of it all. Calling out for peace I surrender my understanding. Shedding my doubt and my shame I reach out for faith, faith like a child. I’m waiting to feel your touch… I long for your healing touch. Your presence is my heart’s desire.

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